Friday, 2 November 2012

Motherhood

 Taken at University of Indonesia






IN MY DAUGHTER'S EYES
by Martina Mcbride

In my daughter's eyes,
I am a hero,
I am strong and wise,
And I know no fear,
But the truth is plain to see,
She was sent to rescue me,
I see who I want to be,
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes,
Everyone is equal,
Darkness turns to light,
And the world is at peace,
This miracle God gave to me,
Gives me strength when I am weak,
I find reason to believe,
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger,
How it puts a smile in my heart,
Everything becomes a little clearer,
I realize what life is all about,
It's hanging on when your heart is had enough,
It's giving more when you feel like giving up,
I've seen the light,
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes,
I can see the future,
A reflection of who I am and what will be,
And though she'll grow and someday leave,
Maybe raise a family,
When I'm gone I hope you see,
How happy she made me,
For i'll be there,
In my daughter's eyes


I heard this song a few years ago when I watched The Oprah Show and Martina Mcbride was one of the guest. I was still a single girl but even then, the song made me cry. 

Now, since I have my own daughter, I can really feel the song even more. 

I am not a perfect mom. In fact, being a stay at home mom for the first time is more exhausting than my former job. To raise a little baby is harder because I could not control the baby anyway I wanted and practically, I worked 24/7 without enough rest and 'me time'.  There was no chit-chat in the office, there was no make up and suit up before work, and there was not my own wage to be spent freely at the mall :D.

Without my job, my title at the office, my own wage, I wasn't 'me' that I'd known before. I began to feel the feeling of 'loosing myself'. To make it worse, many people questioned the decision (me becoming housewife). Somehow I knew, they see me differently.

For some people, I think, it's seems so easy for me stop this feeling: just go back to work.

For me, it's not the answer. This is my struggle and this feeling, I must beat it. If I go back to work, I only run away from my real problem. I don't want to go back to work just because some people told me to do so. That's just not me. I took the decision so I must figure it out.

Everyday goes by and every second tells me how lucky I am to have my daughter. She smiles and she lets me know that I am pretty funny. She holds my hand and I know she trusts me. She sleeps as I hold her when she got fever but cried when I put her to bed, she let me know that she's comfortable with me, being who I am. She talks like me and she sees the world through my eyes. I feel worthy again.

Then, I began to see the future. I realized that I have to be the best of me. Because she sees what I see. That's what makes us stronger when we are a mother, I think. 

The feeling of 'loosing myself' eventually began to fade. I said I'm done. 

I took the decision to be a stay at home mom because I think it was for the best. I always knew that. I'm done arguing with myself and people. I have a life and family to fight for. We have so many dreams to catch together. And me being a housewife was just a decision. The same decision like every decision we took as a family. 

Maybe people will still question it. But I am so much bigger and talented than what they think. I have my faith to myself back. 

I am now embracing the new me: a happy mother :).







Taken at University of Indonesia



4 comments:

  1. Wow... sometimes it's hard to believe that it's my miauw! So many things changed. I really miss to have an absurd discussion with you, mi..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Epoooy...miss u too :*. Yes many things changed, but deep down I think we're still who we were. Little girls from kartika who loves absurd discussions about many things. Hahaha... don't you miss our karaoke nights

      Delete
  2. senang bacanya :D your daughter's a lucky girl, mia.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Ami :). I love this piece so much because it reminds me of one of my dreams :)

      Delete

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